What is “Shadow Work?”
What is Shadow Work?
Have you ever heard of “shadow work”? Sounds mysterious, tantalizing, and edgy.
But, what exactly is it?
Our “shadow” is the place within each of us that contains what we don’t know, don’t like, or deny about ourselves. It is called our “shadow” not necessarily because it is bad or evil but because those are the areas of ourself “in shadow” that are not illuminated by the light of our consciousness. Just like our shadow in our physical world, our inner emotional shadow, follows us wherever we go whether we are aware of it or not.
Our shadow holds within it our unattended and yet-to-be illuminated patterns + conditioning - the programmed ways we act, think, feel, and choose without consciously knowing why.
It also contains what we have disowned, pushed aside, or rejected in ourselves. Whatever in us which we don’t recognize, that we may even insist “that’s not me.” This is what is in us - and DEFINITELY ACTING UPON US - that we are out of touch with our keeping out of sight… often the roots of our unhealed wounding.
Common parts of ourself that we find in our shadow:
Fear
Anger
Shame
Guilt
Empathy
Compromised intentions
Resistance
Our Inner Child
Our Relational blueprint
Our inner saboteur
The nonsexual needs + patterns driving our sexual impulse
Grief
Our power, our bigness, our beauty - the ennobling qualities we’ve been taught to suppress
One of the quickest ways to get a sense of what our own shadow contains within it is to identify something we don’t like about ourselves… perhaps a quality we wish we didn’t have and somehow push away or ignore the best we can.
We may only see this quality as it presents in our behavior + personality superficially on the surface - such as a sometimes out-of-proportion anxiety, insecurity, or other emotion - not realizing that this seemingly innocuous behavior maybe a hint at something larger within us that is in the dark and unseen.
Shadow-work is so important because it allows us to realize that there maybe more to this unliked, repressed, or unmanifested quality than we are consciously aware of … and therefore it gives us the resource to light a candle, take an illuminated look deeper inside, and feel more open + receptive to exploring the behavior’s origins…
and WITH THAT more possibility to witness a fuller sense of ourself and integrate our shadow into our life in a way that is conscious, empowering and life-giving.
For our shadow isn’t meant to be seen and then closed back up in the darkness again. AND, at the same time, our shadow isn’t meant to be seen to become “unleashed” to run amok and overwhelm our life. It is meant to slowly, compassionately, be witnessed and, with assistance, be integrated into our life experience so that we can live from a deeper wholistic, sense of our self - in a way that empowers us, not enslaves or compromises us.
To dip your pinky toes in…
One exercise for bringing your shadow to the surface:
Finish the first incomplete sentence as spontaneously as possible, say it out loud and then immediately write down what you just said.
Something in me I often feel aversion to is…..
The emotion I am leas comfortable expressing is….
What I have a hard time admitting in an argument is…
What I’m most hesitant to express in a relationship is…
What I least want others to know about me is…
I don’t like admitting that I am…
When I feel shame, what I usually do is…
What I most readily judge others for is…
I tend to give away my power when…
This is just starting the process of revealing the tip of the iceberg and is meant to begin not self-judgment, but curiosity, open-ness, and self-love. This is not something to solve, but a path of ongoing discovery… of ongoing illumination, day-by-day.
NOTE: This journey of shadow work and the self discovery that comes with it cannot be one that is just intellectual. In healing work some of us can very easily intellectually understand aspects of ourself, but for some reason we still can’t gain deeper awareness of - or shift in - the pattern. That necessitates an emotional, somatic, and spiritual relationship with the shadow.
One way that author Robert Masters invites us to start creating that relationship is by personifying the particular “part” of ourself and imagining it as a guest we’ve invited into our living room to connect with and get to know. Even if the guest is a bit unruly or “difficult” it is a guest nonetheless, right here sipping tea, taking a seat in front of us. This guest might be our anger, our shame, our fear, a part of our body or our body as a whole, our aversion to a certain person or group of people, our inability to take responsibility in an area of our life, or whatever we feel we keep trying to keep out of sight.
Personally, I share with my clients what is called “parts work,” a therapeutic process that allows us to “be with” this part of ourselves and learn to love it, heal it, and repurpose its shadow energy into something that is in integrity with how we want to live life
Regardless, if you move into this work, take your time navigating the shadow and enlist a coach, therapist, counselor or other professional to guide you in the process - allowing it to be safe, sustainable, and - eventually. -empowering
